Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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