yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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