Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
