Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
