Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
