non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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