Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
