I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
