Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
