i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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