i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
