you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
