im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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