apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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