areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
