You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
