i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
