she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
