The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
