he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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