i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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