You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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