Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
