I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
