READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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