I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
