it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
