I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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