Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
