On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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