Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
