She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
