do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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