sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
