i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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