i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Panties = found
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
