The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
