if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
