I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
