My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
