theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
