Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
