Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
