Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
