I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
