May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
