Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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