last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i will never coherently bang her
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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