I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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