You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
