it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
